Half Jack

If there's anything I've gotten good at, it's shouldering the weight of my own history. Memory is so imperfect. I know things weren't as great as I remember them, but I remember them being amazing and it hurts me to know that little boy in the black make up sitting in Margary's room listening to Marilyn Manson is gone. He's like a guy I used to know who had a strong influence on me. A best friend whom I lost touch with after a time. Am I making sense? There's a sense of loss associated with my memories of myself.

Perhaps it's the simplicity of those times. Floating through classes during the week, then going to Rocky and the West End Friday, and maybe Saturday nights. Type O Negative and Sisters of Mercy provided the soundtrack. Most of my memories are pegged on whoever I was dating at the time and I recall the time frame of them in relation to a girl's name. I think that's a little odd, but it is what it is.

I wish I could give young me some of the esteem that I have now. Just a bit. Just so he would have smiled more and taken more chances. Had more friends. None of my friends from high school are close to me any more. I still have channels to a surprising number, but I don't see any of them. Jeremiah was it and I just got tired of his self-centeredness.

Come to mention it, Miranda's birth shifted things just as the end of High School did. Two of my friends who I thought I was pretty tight with have barely made an appearance in the past 14 months.

I know this is the common lament of everyone who realizes that their youth is behind them. Miranda is my youth now, I guess. If it wasn't for her I think I'd be having a harder time with my current situation that I am.

It satisfies my soul...

So, I've got a job that will span from Dec. 17 to Jan. 16. Answering phones. Three years at Wesleyan paying off. My father tells me that I need to get "hungry for it". I'm not sure I know what he means nor what he's implying. I guess what it comes down to is that I simply don't know what to do. My resume' is at a place that I think it adequately conveys what I've done and what I can do. Additionally, doing more to pad my resume' further would involve classes and certifications that I simply cannot pay for. The image I have of an employer looking at my resume' has them turning it this way and that as if trying to make sense of a language that is almost there own, then giving up and tossing it.

On the upside, Miranda is on a precipice. Her gross motor skills are improving. She has a drive to walk, but just needs that extra umph to use it as a primary mode of transportation. She can move quite well if she has something to support her and has taken numerous steps unassisted, but she just can't quite keep her hips centered. Additionally, her vocal skills are taking off. She "bah, bah, bahs" quite well, and is beginning to add "da, da, da" to her vocabulary. She also vocalizes at the dogs barking and does a "Huh" or "Hai" sound at uncannily appropriate times.

She also enjoys just sitting next to her toy box pulling stuff out, inspecting it, then discarding it and moving onto the next thing. It's very sweet to watch.

Capsize him in his fish mouth!

Ok, the title thing has already gotten ridiculous. But, like all geniuses I will suffer for my art.

I made pancakes this morning. Pancakes for breakfast is quickly becoming a mote of happiness in my household as they're yummy, easy to make, but still require a bit of work which makes me feel that I've accomplished something. I gave Miranda a few small bits, which she enjoyed and I'm looking forward to having a three-person breakfast.

I got a call today from one of the temp agencies I'm involved with and they have a job lined up for me. It'll just be a 5-week job answering phones for Amerigroup. I'm hardly excited about it, but I'm looking forward to working again. Just some sort of paycheck. I've worked two days since the beginning of August. We're doing ok, but we're one minor misfortune from being hobos. Well, maybe not, but still.

Speaking of Miranda, she's doing quite-well-thanks-for-asking. We're planning on getting Christmas pictures of her taken soon, maybe next week. My mother had planned to do it last month, but obviously couldn't thanks to the accident. We have a dress and hat picked out, and plan on picking up tights and shoes pretty soon. Maybe this weekend.

Shea let me borrow Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth for Xbox... One? Classic? Origional Flavor? Anyway, I own the PC version of it, but didn't get far because it played like I was trying to push the main character through molasses. The XBox version is already much more responsive and I look forward to witnessing Jack Walters spiral into insanity.

Speaking of Call of Chthulu, it's terribly unfortunate that Chaosium has, though the CoC role-playing game and Arham Horror has cemented the form of Lovecraft's creatures. His descriptions of the various entities went into the bizzare and upserd because they were meant to be beyond description. His descriptions were meant to be a gist. A "kinda-sorta" but instead we're subjected to a winged cucumber with a starfish for a head. While I have enjoyed the various games built around ol' H.P.'s work, a Yithian is a stupid thing to behold.