If there's anything I've gotten good at, it's shouldering the weight of my own history. Memory is so imperfect. I know things weren't as great as I remember them, but I remember them being amazing and it hurts me to know that little boy in the black make up sitting in Margary's room listening to Marilyn Manson is gone. He's like a guy I used to know who had a strong influence on me. A best friend whom I lost touch with after a time. Am I making sense? There's a sense of loss associated with my memories of myself.
Perhaps it's the simplicity of those times. Floating through classes during the week, then going to Rocky and the West End Friday, and maybe Saturday nights. Type O Negative and Sisters of Mercy provided the soundtrack. Most of my memories are pegged on whoever I was dating at the time and I recall the time frame of them in relation to a girl's name. I think that's a little odd, but it is what it is.
I wish I could give young me some of the esteem that I have now. Just a bit. Just so he would have smiled more and taken more chances. Had more friends. None of my friends from high school are close to me any more. I still have channels to a surprising number, but I don't see any of them. Jeremiah was it and I just got tired of his self-centeredness.
Come to mention it, Miranda's birth shifted things just as the end of High School did. Two of my friends who I thought I was pretty tight with have barely made an appearance in the past 14 months.
I know this is the common lament of everyone who realizes that their youth is behind them. Miranda is my youth now, I guess. If it wasn't for her I think I'd be having a harder time with my current situation that I am.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Brought to you today by the letter "C"...
So I was thinking about the third letter of the alphabet today. It's a subject I've put some thought into in the past and today I made a desision. I'm going to stop using the letter "C" as much as I possibly can. "But J.R.", you, my dear reader, my say, "You just used it while spelling 'much'". Indeed I did and I'll defend that slip in a moment.
Now, the letter "C" as we all know is pronounced as an "S" sound as in "century" or a "k" sound as in "counter". It is the only letter that does not make a unique sound in its own right, but rather mimiks the sounds of two other letters. There is no reason, beyond tradition and konvention, that we should keep the letter. It would drop the number of letters to a more aesthetically pleasing 25, for one thing, and bring a more logikal and phoenetik spelling to many of the words in the English language. There is one konsession I'm willing to make, and that is the "ch" dipthong. Here the letter "C" would take its rightful plase as a grammatikal and alphabetikal oddity. A generation from now, children will ask their parents: "Mommy/Daddy what's that weird letter that isn't in the alphabet?" To which the parents will shrug. "Better not to speak of it," they would say.
So, dear reader, I urge you to join me in my quest to rid the English language of this parasite letter. This unnessesary and konfusing blight to our dear alphabet. Strike it from your korespondenses and defend your right and, indeed, duty in doing so.
Now, the letter "C" as we all know is pronounced as an "S" sound as in "century" or a "k" sound as in "counter". It is the only letter that does not make a unique sound in its own right, but rather mimiks the sounds of two other letters. There is no reason, beyond tradition and konvention, that we should keep the letter. It would drop the number of letters to a more aesthetically pleasing 25, for one thing, and bring a more logikal and phoenetik spelling to many of the words in the English language. There is one konsession I'm willing to make, and that is the "ch" dipthong. Here the letter "C" would take its rightful plase as a grammatikal and alphabetikal oddity. A generation from now, children will ask their parents: "Mommy/Daddy what's that weird letter that isn't in the alphabet?" To which the parents will shrug. "Better not to speak of it," they would say.
So, dear reader, I urge you to join me in my quest to rid the English language of this parasite letter. This unnessesary and konfusing blight to our dear alphabet. Strike it from your korespondenses and defend your right and, indeed, duty in doing so.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Let my love...
Well, it's been a few weeks since I've updated. I wish, of course, that I had a good reason why that is. I don't. Have one that is. A reason... er.
My job is going along, and it's coming to a close in the next week. So I've updated my resume on Monster.com and such. Hopefully something else will come up. I'm so tired of doing this dance. On the upside, since it's the end of the season at the ole' United Way, I've gotten some paid time off. I was off all day Thursday, then got off at 11am Friday. THEN there's a chance I'll get at least some of Monday off. All paid. It's pretty great, but terribly short lived.
I've watched a few movies in the past several days: Babylon A.D.; Find me Guilty; and Dan in Real Life. Yes, that's two Vin Diesel movies. Babylon A.D. was standard Vin fare. He was essentially playing Riddick again. Which is fine. I had no problem with his performance. The issue I had with the movie was that there was too much emphasis on what was happening and not why it was happening. So two hours in you have Vin Diesel with a cyber-hand and multi-ethnic children living in a cabin. Sure, I can connect the dots, but there was no incentive to connect those dots.
Find Me Guilty, on the other hand, was a pleasantly surprising film and I was happy to see Vin doing something different.
Am I a Vin Deisel fan? Yep. Jason Statham and Vin Diesel are taking the place of the last generation action actors.
More soon I think.
My job is going along, and it's coming to a close in the next week. So I've updated my resume on Monster.com and such. Hopefully something else will come up. I'm so tired of doing this dance. On the upside, since it's the end of the season at the ole' United Way, I've gotten some paid time off. I was off all day Thursday, then got off at 11am Friday. THEN there's a chance I'll get at least some of Monday off. All paid. It's pretty great, but terribly short lived.
I've watched a few movies in the past several days: Babylon A.D.; Find me Guilty; and Dan in Real Life. Yes, that's two Vin Diesel movies. Babylon A.D. was standard Vin fare. He was essentially playing Riddick again. Which is fine. I had no problem with his performance. The issue I had with the movie was that there was too much emphasis on what was happening and not why it was happening. So two hours in you have Vin Diesel with a cyber-hand and multi-ethnic children living in a cabin. Sure, I can connect the dots, but there was no incentive to connect those dots.
Find Me Guilty, on the other hand, was a pleasantly surprising film and I was happy to see Vin doing something different.
Am I a Vin Deisel fan? Yep. Jason Statham and Vin Diesel are taking the place of the last generation action actors.
More soon I think.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Adam is a canvas...
Yeah, so the permanent position at United Way fell through. I talk too much and am too honest about my shortcomings and I didn't have enough experience to make those two things easy to overlook.
We received our tax return and did some spending. New HDTV, which I'll probably have to exchange due to a minor display problem. Minor problem, yes, but if I spent several hundred dollars on it, I want it to be immaculate out of the box. Amanda bought some new clothes. She needed some jeans and shirts that fit her better than what she had. I told her the price was worth it if they fit. Easy thing to say when you have a nice cushion in the bank. Hurray for us. I think we deserve it.
I've been trying to get a hold of Bahie, who's been sick. Hopefully it's not a zombie-making virus. But I'd put a machete in his head if it came to that. Real friends don't let friends be zombies.
Miranda is starting to learn to use a spoon. On par with a chimp. I'm so proud.
We received our tax return and did some spending. New HDTV, which I'll probably have to exchange due to a minor display problem. Minor problem, yes, but if I spent several hundred dollars on it, I want it to be immaculate out of the box. Amanda bought some new clothes. She needed some jeans and shirts that fit her better than what she had. I told her the price was worth it if they fit. Easy thing to say when you have a nice cushion in the bank. Hurray for us. I think we deserve it.
I've been trying to get a hold of Bahie, who's been sick. Hopefully it's not a zombie-making virus. But I'd put a machete in his head if it came to that. Real friends don't let friends be zombies.
Miranda is starting to learn to use a spoon. On par with a chimp. I'm so proud.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
So easy, so peasy
I should be in bed, like for serious. I haven't been up this late without any particular reason in, well, about a year. Amanda's asleep on the couch. I have no idea what time she has to work tomorrow so I'll have to try to wake her up and get her into the bedroom. If I knew it wasn't till later in the day, then I'd just leave her on the couch. It's easier for everyone.
I split today pretty evenly between cleaning, playing Phantasy Star Universe, and playing with Miranda. I got the kitchen relatively cleaned (mopped, which is a small miracle) and picked up the living room. Hurricane Miranda can literally make half of the room unnegotiable in about 15 minutes. But cleaning is cleaning and everyone does it at some point or another, like experiment with homosexuality, just some more than others and some other's choose to make it a lifestyle.
Or get paid for it.
I have a theory about homosexuality. I think everyone is born able to be homosexual. It's just a matter of what turns you on. I have a thing for large breasted women. Could I get aroused by a small breasted woman? Yep. Could I get aroused by a man? Sure, given the right circumstances. I seek out to be aroused by large breasted women, or woman. Married, you see. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is the ability to be sexually aroused is inherent in us as a species.
Wait, I think I was going to say that we all have a preference for a particular type of person and we then choose to be... whatever, I think my theory was that sexual preference exists, which it does. I'll work on it some more. I'd like to argue that it is both nature and choice. I'll work on it.
I've been splitting my XBox time between Oblivion and Phantasy Star Universe (PSU). Oblivion is great, as many famous historians have said. On the other hand, I like PSU in spite of myself. I'm six hours in and the story is drab at best, non existent at worse and I don't like/sympathize/understand/giveashit the main character whatsoever. I'm not sure what it is about JRPGs and the fact that every main character in them makes you want to punch them in the throat. Seriously, I haven't liked a main character in one of these games since Squall. Now, Squall was an asshole and a douche, but at least he created a responce in the player.
Maybe they make the mains unassuming so the player can more easily put themselves in thier place? I don't know. If so, that's fucking stupid. I don't want to be Tidus, I want to be told a story. And while it's been 11 years since FF7 came out (yeah, 11 years, holy shit and also: let the game just die) I remember what Cloud was all about. I remember him trying to figure out his identity and holding Aerith and all that. I don't remember one fucking thing that Tidus ever did.
Ever.
But back to PSU: it breaks the mold a bit in two ways, battles are in real time. Let's say Kingdom Hearts style, more on that in a bit and the main character wears clothes that make sense. He does, however, show a hint of his mid-drift, although he's wearing a space hoodie. I'm not happy about it, but it's better than what who-the-fuck was wearing in FF12. But it owes a lot to KH in that enemies suddenly spawn in and you hit the attack button until they go away. The computer controls any other party members.
And they're fucking useless. Occasionally they'll set off a special attack. They'll swing their laser swords once in a while. I'll tell you what, it would be a lot better if it had "Pull your fat from the fire" Donald and "Doom-Bringer" Goofy in it. Goddamn, but Goofy could beat down some MFs. So yeah, and on top of the moronic AI, retarded plot and repetitive combat, you have sterile environments and nonsensical design choices (such as a string of giant metal doors in the middle of the wilderness).
But I've been enjoying it so far. Will I finish it? Not unless it shows me something fancy in the next few chapters. Ah, yes: the game is split up into chapters each of which is put together like a TV show episode, including an opening and "Next Episode" segments. Not really sure how I feel about that yet.
Miranda is doing excellent. I mean, I'm beginning to see her personality develop and I do like her. Quiet and analytical, but open to bouts of loud silliness. She likes what she likes and ignores the rest with little complaint. She loves to eat and has enjoyed or tolerated everything we've fed to her. I love spending time with her. I followed her as she wandered around Home Depot. She stopped and looked at everyone, smiled at people, but didn't get in anyone's way and only touched things she wanted to see more of. Some kids just touch to touch. She's playing in a much more rational way now. The design of a toy is much more important to her and she has preferences.
Jeremy (B-in-L) is going to start coming to Monday night gaming and I couldn't be happier.
I split today pretty evenly between cleaning, playing Phantasy Star Universe, and playing with Miranda. I got the kitchen relatively cleaned (mopped, which is a small miracle) and picked up the living room. Hurricane Miranda can literally make half of the room unnegotiable in about 15 minutes. But cleaning is cleaning and everyone does it at some point or another, like experiment with homosexuality, just some more than others and some other's choose to make it a lifestyle.
Or get paid for it.
I have a theory about homosexuality. I think everyone is born able to be homosexual. It's just a matter of what turns you on. I have a thing for large breasted women. Could I get aroused by a small breasted woman? Yep. Could I get aroused by a man? Sure, given the right circumstances. I seek out to be aroused by large breasted women, or woman. Married, you see. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is the ability to be sexually aroused is inherent in us as a species.
Wait, I think I was going to say that we all have a preference for a particular type of person and we then choose to be... whatever, I think my theory was that sexual preference exists, which it does. I'll work on it some more. I'd like to argue that it is both nature and choice. I'll work on it.
I've been splitting my XBox time between Oblivion and Phantasy Star Universe (PSU). Oblivion is great, as many famous historians have said. On the other hand, I like PSU in spite of myself. I'm six hours in and the story is drab at best, non existent at worse and I don't like/sympathize/understand/giveashit the main character whatsoever. I'm not sure what it is about JRPGs and the fact that every main character in them makes you want to punch them in the throat. Seriously, I haven't liked a main character in one of these games since Squall. Now, Squall was an asshole and a douche, but at least he created a responce in the player.
Maybe they make the mains unassuming so the player can more easily put themselves in thier place? I don't know. If so, that's fucking stupid. I don't want to be Tidus, I want to be told a story. And while it's been 11 years since FF7 came out (yeah, 11 years, holy shit and also: let the game just die) I remember what Cloud was all about. I remember him trying to figure out his identity and holding Aerith and all that. I don't remember one fucking thing that Tidus ever did.
Ever.
But back to PSU: it breaks the mold a bit in two ways, battles are in real time. Let's say Kingdom Hearts style, more on that in a bit and the main character wears clothes that make sense. He does, however, show a hint of his mid-drift, although he's wearing a space hoodie. I'm not happy about it, but it's better than what who-the-fuck was wearing in FF12. But it owes a lot to KH in that enemies suddenly spawn in and you hit the attack button until they go away. The computer controls any other party members.
And they're fucking useless. Occasionally they'll set off a special attack. They'll swing their laser swords once in a while. I'll tell you what, it would be a lot better if it had "Pull your fat from the fire" Donald and "Doom-Bringer" Goofy in it. Goddamn, but Goofy could beat down some MFs. So yeah, and on top of the moronic AI, retarded plot and repetitive combat, you have sterile environments and nonsensical design choices (such as a string of giant metal doors in the middle of the wilderness).
But I've been enjoying it so far. Will I finish it? Not unless it shows me something fancy in the next few chapters. Ah, yes: the game is split up into chapters each of which is put together like a TV show episode, including an opening and "Next Episode" segments. Not really sure how I feel about that yet.
Miranda is doing excellent. I mean, I'm beginning to see her personality develop and I do like her. Quiet and analytical, but open to bouts of loud silliness. She likes what she likes and ignores the rest with little complaint. She loves to eat and has enjoyed or tolerated everything we've fed to her. I love spending time with her. I followed her as she wandered around Home Depot. She stopped and looked at everyone, smiled at people, but didn't get in anyone's way and only touched things she wanted to see more of. Some kids just touch to touch. She's playing in a much more rational way now. The design of a toy is much more important to her and she has preferences.
Jeremy (B-in-L) is going to start coming to Monday night gaming and I couldn't be happier.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A month in the life
Whew! It's been quite a month. I moved from the temp position at Amerigroup to one at United Way. It pays less, and the job is terribly boring, but a paycheck is a paycheck. I've just been going and doing it and then I go home. It's steady work until April, so whatever.
There was a job opening there for a full time position as an administrative assistant. I put in my resume, but haven't heard anything yet. More on that as it develops.
In case you haven't noticed, we've gotten a new president, and while the first 2+ weeks haven't been sterling, I've been very impressed with the guy I voted for.
I'm so unused to my president living in the same reality I do, that I don't know what to do when I hear about what's happening. Government spending on... weatherizing homes? I... think that's a great idea. Come weatherize my home!
Eric Young is the most underrated pro-wrestler working today.
I don't believe that Jesus was the son of God. I'm not doubting his goodness, nor his ideals, just his divinity. Which is a fair thing to doubt for everyone else. I've scrutinized his claims and I just can't get behind the idea. I also don't think that the Bible is more than a book. I'm also skeptical about the rest of the organizations.
Miranda's birthday was on the 31st, and for the most part, the party went very well. She got some fun stuff. One of the well-wishers made a bad decision and we're all paying for that.
Also, we're getting a few Gs from our tax returns. I'm THRILLED!
There was a job opening there for a full time position as an administrative assistant. I put in my resume, but haven't heard anything yet. More on that as it develops.
In case you haven't noticed, we've gotten a new president, and while the first 2+ weeks haven't been sterling, I've been very impressed with the guy I voted for.
- Guantanamo Bay? Yeah, it's a legal limbo and an abortion of justice. Let's shut that place down, see who's actually there and do something good and fair with them.
- Speaking of which, America does not torture. No we fucking don't.
- If you've gotten a bunch of money from the American people, you're going to have to make sacrifices.
I'm so unused to my president living in the same reality I do, that I don't know what to do when I hear about what's happening. Government spending on... weatherizing homes? I... think that's a great idea. Come weatherize my home!
Eric Young is the most underrated pro-wrestler working today.
I don't believe that Jesus was the son of God. I'm not doubting his goodness, nor his ideals, just his divinity. Which is a fair thing to doubt for everyone else. I've scrutinized his claims and I just can't get behind the idea. I also don't think that the Bible is more than a book. I'm also skeptical about the rest of the organizations.
Miranda's birthday was on the 31st, and for the most part, the party went very well. She got some fun stuff. One of the well-wishers made a bad decision and we're all paying for that.
Also, we're getting a few Gs from our tax returns. I'm THRILLED!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
By the James
Yes, I'm stealing Andy's blog title but since the very fact that I have a blog is due to some sort of hero worship I don't feel bad about it. Imitation is both flattery and plagiarism.
He was going on about Justin Timberlake, as he is wont to do and while I'm sure the only thing I can be as enamored with as he to Justin is my daughter, I still read everything he says about the man with wide-eyed Ich werde gänzlich beeindruckt. Then he began talking about Dungeons and Dragons and I say to myself: "HOHO! Here's something I can work with!" Flattery and plagiarism, you know.
Now I started with the D&D thing well before Mr. Skeleton... it's hard to say how much longer as the only proof I have about his age is certain life events he has struck. These watermarks put him in his early 20s. He is physically unreadable. My now brother-in-law who was then a very good friend said that we were going to play Dungeons and Dragons. Now, the only thing I knew about D&D at the time was that it may have been Satan Worship, which I was OK with actually. The whole Christianity thing had well fallen apart for me by then (the fact driven home the summer before when the girl I was seeing asked me if I was going to go to Heaven, and I physically and verbally shrugged. Turned out I just didn't care) so I was interested in looking at new avenues.
Turns out, obviously, that if we had met with Satan during the course of our adventures we would have attacked him. To my recollection, Jeremy (the b-i-l) was running it and Jeff and Mike were with me. They handed me a sheet of paper with Jeremy's never to change handwriting all over it and they told me I was playing a Cleric. Now, I was 13 and I had no idea what a Cleric was. They told me it was like a Wizard or Mage (I knew what a Mage was... thanks Final Fantasy). Now, let's be fair: Clerics are very much like those things. Or at least they were in 2nd Edition. They got more Clericy in 3rd edition and then much less like Wizards and more like we all thought Clerics were, but actually weren't, in 4th.
The actual events of the night are blurred by time but I do remember lots of Lil' Hugs and a King and a cave. Using... entangle on a Goblin? I don't know. But thereafter the hobby began to permiate my life and now there is probably a polyhedral die in every room in the house. I have played with a multi-tude of people, several I don't know the names of any longer, or if ever. I also skipped out on a game because everyone wanted me to play a Half-Dragon but I wanted to play a Human Sorceror who would prestige class into... that Dragony Prestige Class. I don't remember.
The RPG as an industry is falling apart. While I want to lay the blame at the feet of the d20 system and the OGL, it was really people's disinterest in Vampires and the burgeoning MMO scene that did the most damage. Vampires? Yeah, White Wolf was a steamroller, a cultural phenomena in the 90s. Goth kids who didn't know anything about D&D were picking up Vampire: The Masquerade because they had to. Then, as they grew out of the Angst, they were looking at other systems because they enjoyed the game. Sadly, I played very little during this time, though I continued to study. I started probably a dozen Werewolf games in the last 15 years, but none got anywhere. I attribute it to me knowing too damn much about the game. I am the only one who likes it enough to run it, and then it just gets bogged down as I try to infuse the contents of dozens of books on a nightly basis. I would really, really like to play. That will probably never happen.
Amanda asked today about playing Diablo. My heart leaps with joy. More on that as it develops.
He was going on about Justin Timberlake, as he is wont to do and while I'm sure the only thing I can be as enamored with as he to Justin is my daughter, I still read everything he says about the man with wide-eyed Ich werde gänzlich beeindruckt. Then he began talking about Dungeons and Dragons and I say to myself: "HOHO! Here's something I can work with!" Flattery and plagiarism, you know.
Now I started with the D&D thing well before Mr. Skeleton... it's hard to say how much longer as the only proof I have about his age is certain life events he has struck. These watermarks put him in his early 20s. He is physically unreadable. My now brother-in-law who was then a very good friend said that we were going to play Dungeons and Dragons. Now, the only thing I knew about D&D at the time was that it may have been Satan Worship, which I was OK with actually. The whole Christianity thing had well fallen apart for me by then (the fact driven home the summer before when the girl I was seeing asked me if I was going to go to Heaven, and I physically and verbally shrugged. Turned out I just didn't care) so I was interested in looking at new avenues.
Turns out, obviously, that if we had met with Satan during the course of our adventures we would have attacked him. To my recollection, Jeremy (the b-i-l) was running it and Jeff and Mike were with me. They handed me a sheet of paper with Jeremy's never to change handwriting all over it and they told me I was playing a Cleric. Now, I was 13 and I had no idea what a Cleric was. They told me it was like a Wizard or Mage (I knew what a Mage was... thanks Final Fantasy). Now, let's be fair: Clerics are very much like those things. Or at least they were in 2nd Edition. They got more Clericy in 3rd edition and then much less like Wizards and more like we all thought Clerics were, but actually weren't, in 4th.
The actual events of the night are blurred by time but I do remember lots of Lil' Hugs and a King and a cave. Using... entangle on a Goblin? I don't know. But thereafter the hobby began to permiate my life and now there is probably a polyhedral die in every room in the house. I have played with a multi-tude of people, several I don't know the names of any longer, or if ever. I also skipped out on a game because everyone wanted me to play a Half-Dragon but I wanted to play a Human Sorceror who would prestige class into... that Dragony Prestige Class. I don't remember.
The RPG as an industry is falling apart. While I want to lay the blame at the feet of the d20 system and the OGL, it was really people's disinterest in Vampires and the burgeoning MMO scene that did the most damage. Vampires? Yeah, White Wolf was a steamroller, a cultural phenomena in the 90s. Goth kids who didn't know anything about D&D were picking up Vampire: The Masquerade because they had to. Then, as they grew out of the Angst, they were looking at other systems because they enjoyed the game. Sadly, I played very little during this time, though I continued to study. I started probably a dozen Werewolf games in the last 15 years, but none got anywhere. I attribute it to me knowing too damn much about the game. I am the only one who likes it enough to run it, and then it just gets bogged down as I try to infuse the contents of dozens of books on a nightly basis. I would really, really like to play. That will probably never happen.
Amanda asked today about playing Diablo. My heart leaps with joy. More on that as it develops.
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